Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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