My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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