sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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