How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
