I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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