Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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