Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ... http://tfl.nu/68st
  Replies (16) Good night (3245) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet. http://tfl.nu/z4ao
  Replies (24) Good night (7562) Bad night (1694)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills. http://tfl.nu/7aj5
  Replies (52) Good night (6505) Bad night (3541)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.

  (219): View more from Indiana

  You said that last year...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate. (219): You said that last year... http://tfl.nu/7qlf
  Replies (18) Good night (2057) Bad night (5508)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy. http://tfl.nu/4ar4
  Replies (38) Good night (5897) Bad night (1202)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob. http://tfl.nu/pwq0
  Replies (26) Good night (4611) Bad night (2438)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing. http://tfl.nu/4ei8
  Replies (7) Good night (2699) Bad night (784)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister. http://tfl.nu/slb6
  Replies (9) Good night (1629) Bad night (481)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator http://tfl.nu/52sx
  Replies (7) Good night (759) Bad night (428)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours http://tfl.nu/2ezn
  Replies (6) Good night (1082) Bad night (305)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary http://tfl.nu/wcin
  Replies (9) Good night (295) Bad night (723)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here http://tfl.nu/u7a6
  Replies (3) Good night (380) Bad night (253)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy http://tfl.nu/9sod
  Replies (2) Good night (502) Bad night (266)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise. http://tfl.nu/ymmb
  Replies (4) Good night (1084) Bad night (232)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t. http://tfl.nu/mo8v
  Replies (4) Good night (507) Bad night (206)

Randomize