Texts From Last Night

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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.

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  (517): I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie. http://tfl.nu/vu4d
  Replies (7) Good night (1293) Bad night (506)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?

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  (612): I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big? http://tfl.nu/wlg7
  Replies (109) Good night (1269) Bad night (14766)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.

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  (508): I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car. http://tfl.nu/9e5w
  Replies (18) Good night (4431) Bad night (1157)
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  (845): View more from New York

  They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.

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  (845): They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids. http://tfl.nu/mgv1
  Replies (48) Good night (1510) Bad night (5594)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...

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  (248): You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened... http://tfl.nu/unry
  Replies (66) Good night (25414) Bad night (2815)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics

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  (773): I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics http://tfl.nu/o0a3
  Replies (21) Good night (6361) Bad night (905)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.

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  (630): He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding. http://tfl.nu/mxqh
  Replies (1) Good night (1232) Bad night (2488)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.

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  (775): THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL. http://tfl.nu/wgt5
  Replies (19) Good night (3619) Bad night (1459)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.

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  (602): Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility. http://tfl.nu/8fpl
  Replies (2) Good night (582) Bad night (995)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.

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  (570): We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves. http://tfl.nu/ccdq
  Replies (2) Good night (738) Bad night (375)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.

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  (502): Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home. http://tfl.nu/5iun
  Replies (15) Good night (481) Bad night (816)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.

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  (512): Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night. http://tfl.nu/nub3
  Replies (6) Good night (698) Bad night (347)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.

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  (734): It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles. http://tfl.nu/qtkj
  Replies (2) Good night (657) Bad night (250)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.

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  (512): Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort. http://tfl.nu/chyw
  Replies (2) Good night (366) Bad night (206)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.

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  (604): I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants. http://tfl.nu/vm67
  Replies (1) Good night (523) Bad night (173)

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