so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
