Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"

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  (202): based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat" http://tfl.nu/tv5w
  Replies (21) Good night (735) Bad night (2898)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.

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  (702): explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now. http://tfl.nu/gc18
  Replies (20) Good night (3514) Bad night (5875)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

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  (214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot. http://tfl.nu/a1lj
  Replies (65) Good night (28589) Bad night (2142)
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  (209): View more from California

  Responsibility does not care about your dick.

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  (209): Responsibility does not care about your dick. http://tfl.nu/xdqb
  Replies (10) Good night (3542) Bad night (1179)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.

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  (615): They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this. http://tfl.nu/rcac
  Replies (25) Good night (1727) Bad night (5752)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.

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  (330): Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement. http://tfl.nu/p08o
  Replies (2) Good night (2251) Bad night (1343)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  ...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????

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  (312): ...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because???? http://tfl.nu/17np
  Replies (5) Good night (2881) Bad night (1123)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours

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  (609): my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours http://tfl.nu/c2a1
  Replies (27) Good night (3142) Bad night (1677)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.

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  (970): I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision. http://tfl.nu/ny2a
  Replies (11) Good night (2922) Bad night (1344)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.

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  (434): I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME. http://tfl.nu/rn1v
  Replies (12) Good night (2044) Bad night (890)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.

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  (405): yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt. http://tfl.nu/yslp
  Replies (6) Good night (1216) Bad night (550)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.

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  (701): I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one. http://tfl.nu/n8z9
  Replies (5) Good night (1784) Bad night (446)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library

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  (630): when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library http://tfl.nu/iddb
  Replies (5) Good night (386) Bad night (486)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.

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  (717): Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move. http://tfl.nu/dnjl
  Replies (6) Good night (829) Bad night (475)
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  (315): View more from New York

  We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?

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  (315): We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like? http://tfl.nu/ue3p
  Replies (1) Good night (664) Bad night (185)

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