I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
