I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
