STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
