so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
