Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
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