I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
