doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
