my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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