I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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