And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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