That's intense
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
