Pants 0. Shit 1.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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