Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
