I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
