Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
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and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
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These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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