Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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