Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize