I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
