mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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