Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
