i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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