yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
