have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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