I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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