So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
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Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
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Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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