Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
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So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
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No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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