i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
