What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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