U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
