Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
