please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
