he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
