I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize