I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
