just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have feelings that need drinking.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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