my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
