im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
