he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
