well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
