don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
