I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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