she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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