Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
