dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
