In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
