what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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