Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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