Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
