The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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